✨ The Creative MOMent: February 2023
Low Demand Lifestyle, Happiness Is the Path, Do More of What Makes You Happy
✨ The Creative MOMent
The Creative MOMent is a section of the Emily Lupita ❤️🔥 Creativity Series where I share creativity prompts for journaling + my own creative journal.
Creativity Prompt: Low Demand Lifestyle
Today’s creativity prompt comes from the research I’ve been doing lately into alternative / additional options for parenting strategies and therapies for my two Autistic sons. I’m constantly trying to learn new ideas for how I can adjust my parenting to better suit their needs. We’ve been changing up our lifestyle in big and small ways over the past few years, and the results have been really good for the boys.
One philosophy out there is called the “low demand lifestyle” and, as I understand it, rests on the foundational idea that the demands of modern life and the requirements of modern society may not be the best thing for our neurodivergent kids. What I’d like to take from this research today is not the details of the specific parenting philosophy, but the overarching idea that we can edit the demands we place upon our family.
We can choose to forego some of the demands modern life puts on us. Just because “it’s done that way” or “everyone else is doing it that way” doesn’t mean we will. If it doesn’t benefit our boys, if it isn’t safe for them, if it causes them distress…we’re not doing it unless it’s an absolute necessity. (Or unless, of course, it’s required by law). We’ve said no to things we really wanted to do, but knew would put too much strain on our sons.
Journaling
Think about your everyday life. Write down a quick list of your regular schedule on a daily basis. Write fast and furious...whatever comes to your mind first. Now think weekly. And now annually.
Ask yourself some questions:
Do you participate in groups that don’t fill you up but rather drain you?
Do you carry out commitments that don’t benefit you or your family?
Do you celebrate holidays you don’t enjoy?
Look at the many demands placed upon your time. Are there any that you can take away? Is there a place where you can insert the words, “REST” or “CALM” instead?
Re-write yourself a new schedule with a few demands taken out.
Instead of demands, write how you want to feel during those times.
Play with your daily, weekly, and annual schedules to see how you can edit it to reflect more of the feelings you enjoy.
The idea that we don’t have to participate in aspects of modern life that don’t fit us…isn’t new. But it’s something I think that often gets forgotten in the hustle and bustle. There’s so much of society that my little family can’t participate in because of the boys’ special needs, and that’s made me more attuned to this idea. But you don’t need neurodivergent kids to try this out. Anyone can opt out of demands. Try it with something small first and see how it feels.
☀️ What demand of modern society can you opt out of? Share your thoughts in a comment.
My Creativity Journal
Spending time in different cultures is one way to understand how fluid lifestyle demands can be. What we believe is a set way of doing something can be totally different across the globe. One example is eating soup with a spoon. My sons “drink” soup from bowls because they have trouble holding their spoons without spilling the soup everywhere.
Who says they have to use a spoon if it prevents them from eating and enjoying their soup? In some other cultures, people “drink” soup from a bowl. Even the words in their language are “to drink soup” not “to eat soup.” Everyone does it in those cultures, every single day, and the world has not ended because of it.
I loved the siesta lifestyle in Mexico when I studied and worked there years ago. I loved the idea that families would gather mid-day to eat a large meal together and rest before returning to work / school. It’s not always possible, of course, but these days on the weekends when we’re home without a set schedule, we often eat a large mid-day meal and then take a family nap on our big L-shaped sofa. The boys get so excited and help me flip open the sofa into a futon, then pile on the blankets & pillows.
We’re exhausted from the week, so why not eat a big lunch while watching cartoons and then take a nap right where you are? That’s the schedule we write-in for Saturdays. Because if we don’t schedule-in a break, then we will soon start to fall apart. I need to find some hammocks…the boys would absolutely love that.
Further Afield
What is Happiness?
This quote above, attributed to The Buddha, has always touched my heart.
“There is no path to happiness. Happiness is the path.”
I’ve been on my world journey for over twenty years now, since my first time to Mexico when I was eighteen all the way to living in Turkey today. I’ve visited many different countries and stayed with families in their homes in many different cultures.
I’ve met people who were rich and miserable. And people who were struggling financially, yet somehow met each day with joy. And I’ve met rich people who are really joyful and happy. And poor people who are, understandably, miserable.
It’s a complex question - what is happiness?
And how do we find it?
Some of the answers are common sense. People who don’t have their basic needs met are under enormous stress. It makes sense that it’s hard to find happiness under those conditions. And yet, the human spirit can still shine, even in the most challenging circumstances. How? And there are people who have every convenience and every resource available to them, and yet remain unhappy - even despite consciously searching for happiness. Why?
Check out this incredible talk called, “ The Secret to a Happy Life with Dr. Robert Waldinger” below for some amazing insight into these questions. Dr. Waldinger is the current director of a Harvard research study conducted over eighty years - all about happiness. He says that the biggest indicator of happiness across the study related to the types of relationships that a person has…because certain types of relationships benefit wellbeing more than any other factor. 🙋🏻♀️ I find this so interesting.
(And, I have to say, just watching/listening to Dr. Waldinger makes me feel better about life in general. His joy and interest for this study really beams like a light from his face. He’s so wonderful!)
Creating Makes Me Happy
When I think of what makes me happy, creating art comes to mind. One of my happiest states is when I’m painting my Lupita portraits. When I look back at the paintings, I remember how I felt while I was creating them. I can access that calm, contentedness again each time I see them. I think that’s why I’ve kept on painting the Lupitas for all these years…so I can keep being immersed in that peaceful feeling.
And listening to music makes me happy…especially with headphones on while on a nice long walk. And dancing funny with my little boys - how they laugh and giggle at my silliness. My husband sitting on the sofa smiling at us and how we’re all together and safe. That’s my happiness.
Writing poetry and my nonfiction manuscripts - that doesn’t make me feel happy at the moment while I’m doing it. I relate more to Hemingway’s quote about writing, “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” But I do feel better after I write, like a weight has been lifted. And this lighter feeling contributes to my overall happiness. So I keep on writing, even the tough stories, because it makes me feel better when they’re finished, like a type of freedom.
☀️ How about you? What’s your happiness?
Do More Of What Makes You Happy
It’s such a simple bit of advice. It feels like one of those things that’s easier said than done. “Do more of what makes you happy.” But this practice of focusing in on specific areas that make you happy (that I’m sharing with you below) has really worked for me.
I had so many interests and so many things I wanted to do in life. I was stretched in a hundred different directions. I was multitasking like mad. I was trying to be a full-time mother and caregiver to my boys, plus an artist & writer, plus advocate for my sons, plus I’m a wife and daughter and sister and friend. And I’m on a world journey, in a new country, speaking a new language, living in a new culture.
All of these things are important to me. I tried to do them all to the best of my ability. I became burnt out and unwell. I learned that I could either make time for my wellness or my body would take time away from me by becoming unwell.
I had to do a fierce inventory of my time. I had to decide what things were absolute necessities that I needed to do everyday. Then after that, I needed to choose only a few things for each day. I needed to add in more happiness and more self-care. I started by meditating on the word “happiness” and what it meant to me. The feeling. The people. The activities. The tastes and smells.
I wrote the word “happiness” in my journal over and over. I said the word “happiness” aloud while I was alone in a room, just by myself. Try it. Try saying “happiness” aloud. Then try saying, “I will do more of what makes me happy.”
Amen. 🙏🏼
Journaling
Close your eyes and envision the word “happiness.” What comes to mind?
What are two things / areas / activities / people / groups in your life that make you happy?
How can you spend more time with these people / groups?
How can you do more of the activities that make you happy?
Start small and move toward bigger adjustments over time.
☀️ Share your reflections
I’d love to hear your thoughts and reflections on this post.
Good journey,
❤️🔥Emily Lupita
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