✨ The Creative MOMent
The Creative MOMent is a section of the Emily Lupita ❤️🔥 Creativity Series where I share creativity prompts for journaling + my own creative journal.
Creativity Prompt: A Ritual Of Letting Go
In graduate school, I took a course on Goddesses and Rituals. It was, of course, amazing. Taught by Dr. Nikki Bado-Fralick, assistant professor in Philosophy & Religious Studies at Iowa State University, the class was a journey into the feminine with deep conversations and readings. We even participated in our own rituals, including one (in a modified version) that I’d like to share with you today.
Journaling
Write down three entities you’d like to remove from your life. It could be an activity you do now, but want to quit. It could be the name of a person you no longer wish to invite into your life. It could be a specific memory you no longer want to relive over in your mind.
Hold the list to your body and choose one of your three items to let go of using this ritual.
Take a piece of paper, any type, any color you choose.
Write down the words that symbolize the one item you chose to let go of.
Cut out a shape around those words.
Fold up the shape into smaller and smaller pieces.
Watch as the paper gets smaller. And smaller still.
Then let go. Physically let go. Drop it into a trash can. Bury it in your flower garden. Burn it in your candle holder. Watch it disappear.
☀️ How did this ritual feel? Share your thoughts in a comment.
My Creativity Journal
I wrote a poem after doing this ritual for the first time. I’ll try it again and see what flows out. (My poem, Frontier, first appeared in Poetry International, Volume 12, 2007.)
Frontier
I used to have dreams
of the route you’d take
to leave.
I could see on the map
the mountain collapsing
after you’d driven
right through the middle,
the paper folding up
into thousands of tiny squares
with you still inside.
I’m smoothing it out,
opening the map to find you
but everything has moved:
the borders, the desert,
the long stretches
of flat land, they have changed.
a different language.
a new country.
Further Afield
The Art of Letting Go
The art of letting go is a foundational element of Zen philosophy. I had the honor of studying with Shihan Jukou Hirakawa while living in Japan during my twenties. Hirakawa Sensei is a Karate Master and Buddhist Priest, among many other things. He changed the trajectory of my life by demonstrating to me time and again that the realm of the supernatural connects with the realm of the natural.
I knew this already from a childhood spent in nature with my minimalist / naturalist parents, who had very carefully designed our life to be in tune with the supernatural. But I didn’t want to believe all of that once I left my home in rural Iowa to make my way in the world.
When I ended up in the dojo sitting Zazen and listening to Sensei laugh over tea after Karate practice, I knew that the feeling of home I felt in Japan was connected to this belief my parents instilled in me, seemingly at birth, that the two worlds do, indeed, touch.
For an introduction to Zen through mindfulness, check out this video by Rev. Takafumi Kawakami, Deputy Head Priest at Kyoto’s Shunkoin Temple.
Living in the Moment
My sons are both diagnosed with Autism + other exceptional needs. They teach me daily about living in the moment. I struggle with letting go of the past. I struggle with trying to control the future. This causes me to miss beautiful moments actually happening now, as Rev. Kawakami says in the video.
My short story below gives a glimpse of how my six year old son, Charlie, helps me come back to live in the present moment.
How Charlie sees things I miss.
“The Lion” by Emily Lupita (work-in-progress)
Charlie (age 6) and I were walking over to his grandparent’s house. I was upset about something that happened hours earlier, replaying it in my mind. And at the same time I was trying to figure out how to say what I needed, in Turkish, when his grandparents opened the door. As we approached their apartment building, a man was picking up trash along the sidewalk. Several people walked by this man without acknowledging him, keeping their eyes forward and saying nothing.
I didn’t think much of it. Subconsciously, I suppose, I planned to do the same. This may be a social norm here, as it is, indeed, in many places. But Charlie is Autistic and one of the challenges he has is understanding and adhering to social norms. As soon as Charlie saw this man, he ran up to him and said in the most joyful voice, “Gunaydin!” which means, good morning.
The man shifted away with his whole upper body, clearly surprised. Then a moment later, as he looked at little Charlie jumping up and down, waving his hands with uninhibited joy and smiling at him with a huge smile - the man’s face completely changed. It was as if he became years younger and his whole face lit up with happiness.
“Gunaydin, Aslan!” he said. Good morning, Lion.
And then he looked at me, right into my eyes, which is so unusual here. And he smiled in a way I’ve missed seeing people smile since this pandemic started. I smiled back and said, “Gunaydin.” He replied and we all went on our way.
My heart was full. As we entered the building, I held Charlie’s hand to prevent him from running up the stairs and ringing every single doorbell on his way to the top floor. I held on tight to my little lion, this mother’s heart full of pride.
Crossing The River
The Art of Letting Go is illustrated in a famous story told by Zen master Tanzan about two Monks crossing a river. There are several different versions. I like this one from the Isha Foundation (quoted below):
One day while Zen monk Tanzan and a young monk were traveling, they came to a river with a strong current. As they were preparing to cross the river, they saw a young lady in distress also attempting to cross.
Tanzan offered, “Here, let me carry you across,” and placed her down gently on the other side.
The lady said, “Thank you very much. Goodbye.” The two continued on their journey for more than half a day.
Finally, the younger monk could not contain himself any longer, and blurted out, “I thought we monks were supposed to avoid women. Why did you just do that?”
“Oh, you mean the woman way back there? I put her down long ago. Are you still carrying her?”
Letting Go of the Weight
I’m talking about the weight of other people’s expectations. I carried that weight all my life and it was very important to me. It drove me toward success, but then when I found that type of success, I didn’t find happiness there. I saw myself repeating this cycle when it came to my two sons. I was ultra-sensitive to what others said about them and their Autism diagnoses. They were nonverbal / pre-verbal.
While most people have been very kind, it hurt when people said cruel things. It hurt when my boys couldn’t participate with their peers. It hurt when people shamed and blamed me for the boys not progressing and checking off every developmental box. They are profound / severe / low functioning / high need.
It’s difficult to meet their special needs and I love them with all my heart. It’s both. They are high energy / joyfully unfocused / free from constraint. They are incredible / magical / wonderful.
A while back, I decided to stop sharing my boys with the world. It felt like we were exposed and vulnerable, and some people couldn’t help but show us their lack of humanity. It got to the point where I just wanted to keep the boys home - safe with me. We would live in our own little bubble where society couldn’t crush us with the weight of normality / ableist expectations / neuro-typical baselines. All these labels.
Time has passed since then. It doesn’t feel right to hide from the world. They are my magical, gorgeous sons. These two beautiful boys of mine are magnificent. They have so much love and light to share. And I have some things to share and to say. I want you to see us. I want to stand up again and share more of our light.
See what I’m writing on my new project. It’s called The Autism 💙 Mother Letters, read it here:
My New Year’s Resolution is to try (again) to let go of the weight of other people’s expectations in regards to my boys. And in regards to myself. It’s a big goal. I may fail a few more times. That’s okay. Fall down seven times, stand up eight.
Journaling
What is something you’d like to let go of?
Do you feel the weight of other people’s expectations? How so?
Is there a specific part of the art of letting go that speaks to you?
☀️ Share your reflections
I’d love to hear your thoughts and reflections on this post.
Thank you for reading.
Good journey,
❤️🔥Emily Lupita
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I will try this tomorrow. I love the folding part. That feels new and helpful. Thanks!